No One Starts A War Without Suffering

No One Starts A War Without Suffering – Wendy White

I guess I was naïve.

I couldn’t understand the brutality of the attack and such vitriol.

It was 2018, and I was busily promoting my newly produced emotional resource that helps parents and carers support their children in managing their behaviour.

I had only just joined Twitter, having yet to understand the platform, preferring the safety of Facebook.

The resource mentioned above is a tool that I was very nervous about promoting (for several reasons) that was advertised as a means of support for children on the autism spectrum.

The hashtags relating to autism were endless, and I noted as many as possible to get the word out.

It went well, to begin with, and the hashtags attracted a lot of people who then retweeted my tweets.

My initial nerves subsided, and I became more confident in promoting my product.

Then, one morning, I looked through the responses to one of my recent tweets, and my heart stopped.

The shock of reading the comment made the colour run from my face. I felt sick.

I was called “irresponsible,” a “witch”, “uncaring” and a lot worse by a person who took offence by my “Light it up Blue” autism appreciation brigade hashtag rather than a “Light it up Red” autism appreciation brigade hashtag!

I didn’t know that there was a difference! There could have been a purple-with-yellow-spots autism appreciation brigade, as far as I knew!

I was devastated.

My friends told me to ignore the tweet and to block the person immediately.

But I was genuinely concerned for this person’s mental welfare. How could they be filled with so much hatred for a stranger?  

It played on my mind.

Instead of blocking them, I messaged them.

I told of the hurt that their comments had caused. I asked if, rather than attack me; they may educate me so that I could learn from them.

I asked about them, their background and their circumstances.

They got back to me, somewhat shocked that I had contacted them.

A mid-forties autistic with extreme views of how fellow autistics were seen and understood, theirs was a story of abuse from an early age from close family members.

A story of a childhood of being mercilessly bullied through school due to being different and misunderstood.

A failed relationship and an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and drugs.

I listened, and I empathised with this wretched person who was filled with anger and bitterness.

I offered them my shoulder and heart and gave them hope for the future without judgement or patronising.

After a week or so, we became friends, and they became one of my most ardent supporters, retweeting my tweets to their followers.

Someone once wrote, “No one starts a war without suffering.”

It’s a remarkable statement to learn.

Wendy White

My Mood Stars

Twitter @mymoodstars

Would you like to contribute and inspire other members of staff?

If the answer is YES, here is what to do:

Fill in the form below, and one of our team will be in touch.

If you visited our Kindness Matters website but do not have a Twitter account, do reach out, and one of our team will be in touch.

Thank you for your kindness

Your Kindness Coach


    You might also like

    Share this post


    Get your FREE Respect Model Now!

    Here are 3 ways to Inspire & Transform our Pupils.


    Together let's Create Positive Attitudes & Kindness in all of our Children.

    • Learn Non-Confrontational Instructions, to increase positive attitudes towards learning while reducing conflict situations which are a common barrier to outstanding learning.